All of us go through some heavy shit in life. It is inevitable. It is part of being alive. When this happens, it is like you have been running along a path but something happens and you get knocked down.
At first you are shocked. Then you begin to become aware of what happened. You realize it hurts but it is hard to tell how much until another moment passes. And then another moment, and another.
You try and get up but if the hurting is bad you have to sit there and cry it out. This will likely take a while. Then you might make it part way up and somewhere in that you get angry and you bitch and moan that this happened to you.
You will say things like I was going along just fine, on pace, doing good. But when you eventually get a little less angry you will realize you weren't doing so good. You were limping a little, out of breath, and even thinking about giving up. Then you become sad about this and might even try and take on too much responsibility for getting knocked down.
You do get on your feet but you walk around in circles. This means sometimes it looks like you are going forward again and sometimes backwards. Eventually the hurting just about stops and you get tired of being sad, so you start moving up the path for real but you are really cautious.
Other things happen. Anything. You might watch a movie, get a new job, move, make a new friend, get used to being alone . . . whatever, but it means you are moving on.
In time you move up the path more quickly. The hurt is gone and you can remember how the hurting felt but if you remember too much, you will slow down. So you push.
At some point getting knocked down that time is just a memory. You might not fear it happening again so much because you got through it the last time and if you are smart, you know what to look for and even better, how to listen to yourself and not lie about what you hear.
_____
